A Homeschooling Calendar

I started this tradition with my younger son about five years ago when he was five years old. At the time I was a newly confirmed homeschooler, and still considering unschooling, so I was constantly looking for fun and non-coercive ways for him to practice writing. Plus every morning he would wake up and ask me "what are we doing today?" So I combined the two and came up with a calendar for him to make for himself. He loved it so much that he continued for two years before he decided he didn't need it anymore. But about two years ago I started again with my younger son, who had then turned five years old and began asking "what are we doing today?"

We start with a large blotter calendar, you know the kind that typically go on the top of people's desks? I get our at Staples, because they are the only ones I have been able to find without the information already in there, and no lines running across the whole thing for notes (which we find very distracting, since we don't use words to fill in our activities).

I use a pencil to write in the name of the month, and the numbers, and then my son traces over that information with a marker. Then we head downstairs to the computer and find clip art to represent each thing we are doing that month. So we have garbage cans for Tuesdays to remind us to take the trash out, birthday cakes for parties, soccer balls (with shooting flames, no less) for soccer practice and games, a small stack of books for library day, and so on. I am blessed to have a color printer to print these things out on.

My son and I practice using scissors by cutting out the clip art, and then together we glue them onto the calendar where each thing belongs. Every day now, he can check the calendar for what we are doing, and he no longer needs to paste Daddy on every Saturday and Sunday, because he knows the days he stays home without needing a reminder.

This has been a terrific way for both of my boys to learn the days of the week (still working on months though), and given them good practice in writing and cutting. It also gives them a sense of security in knowing how their day looks without having to ask.

This has remained a non-coercive activity since we began. In fact, we finally just finished the month of May today, which is what prompted me to blog about it. For the last 13 days the pieces have been laying on the kitchen floor underneath where the calendar hangs. It just occurred to my younger son though, that he wants to start counting down the days to his birthday party (11).

More on unschooling

This is something I wrote on my other blog today:

Playgroup was especially fun today because three new families joined us...

Funny, two of the moms already knew me from the photo on my blogs...Apparently there was a big discussion about my blog regarding Radical Unschooling vs. Self-Directed Learning [on one of the unschooling lists]. It seems that I don't even have to be on the lists to have my "wrong" way of doing things criticized - lol! Anyway a few of us had our own interesting discussion regarding the topic, and I can add more people to the list of those who are afraid to post their real feelings on the lists. They suggested I started my own for those of us who are not comfortable with the extremism.

I considered doing this quite a bit. I even went ahead and created it earlier today. It was called Not Radical Unschoolers. But moderating a list is not something I have the time to do, so I then deleted it. I do think there is real a need for it though. Unfortunately this sort of list is going to need a moderator who is paying close attention, and I can't be the one to do that right now. I'll join though if someone else creates it :-)

By the way, I'm moderating comments now. Not interested in providing soap boxes for anyone except myself :-)

Magazine Subscriptions

At one time I had about eight different magazines coming to my house each month, in addition to my weekly Newsweek. I had a few which I personally subscribed to, and a few which were gifts. Well to say it got overwhelming is an understatement. So when they all expired I did not renew any of them, and I've been subscription-free for about eight months now.

The problem is that I really do miss some of them. I find that I am attracted to non-fiction writing, and magazines are a good way to learn about a lot of things. So I've been borrowing magazines from the library the last few times we've gone. This way I don't have the stress of a whole pile to get through, and have to "get rid of them" on due date whether I've read them or not, which is kind of liberating.

I thought I'd take some time to blog about a few of my favorites.


Life Learning Magazine
is definitely high on my list. From their website:

Let Life Learning help you discover how to employ self-directed, life-based learning in your own life and/or that of your child.

Read all about how other people just like you and your children have learned without being taught...what helps and what hinders, and what they have achieved in their lives as a result. Laugh, cry and identify with parents who are helping themselves and their children learn from the real world...and learning a lot about themselves along the way.

Think about how we are limited by a society that believes in coercive education...and how we can transcend those limits in our daily lives. Find support and reassurance for interest-based, learner-directed education and non-coercive parenting.

I'm bummed that my local library does not carry this magazine, and am thinking of donating one to them. All of the homeschooling magazines they offer are Christian based, which is pretty annoying.

One of the cool things about this magazine is that the radical vs. self-directed debate happens within its pages. The editors are radicals but the letters to the editors are filled with people who question it. It makes for interesting reading, and has certainly helped me define myself as an unschooler.


Ode
is another one of my favorites, and another one that my library doesn't carry. From the Ode website:

Ode is an independent magazine about the people and ideas that are changing the world.

Sometimes it’s difficult to see beyond the war, poverty, exploitation and pollution that the mainstream media use to fill our view of the world. But there is more to life. There are other stories to report. Stories of countless initiatives being launched around the globe by people devoted to justice, respect and equality. Stories that bridge the gap between thinking and doing, between rage and hope, and the painful gap between the rich and poor – and thus build peace and sustainability. That is the news that Ode promises to deliver. By reading Ode you connect to a network of positive change and inspiration. Ode points the way to knowing better, doing better and feeling better.

Ode publishes ‘the stories that are different from the ones we are brainwashed to believe’ (Arundhati Roy). Ode challenges us and invites us to change. We realise that change starts with information. We can only make a choice to change things for the better when we learn how it can be done. Similarly, we can only change our behaviour when we understand the harmful effects of what we do. Ode teaches and inspires us, helps us see how every one of us can contribute to a more just and sustainable world.

It was really nice to read about some of the good stuff happening in the world, and when I have more time in my life I will definitely get back to that one.


Simple Scrapbooks
was one I enjoyed quite a bit. I got into scrapbooking when I bought an empty scrapbook at Disney World in 2004, and caught the bug big-time. I wanted a magazine which would help me learn about techniques and tips, but everything out there really focused on the embellishments. I commented about this to a scrapbook store owner while visiting my mom in Maine, and she suggested Simple Scrapbooks, because the focus was on the pictures.

I can't find any sort of "About Us" info on their site to paste here, but they do tend to write things with the beginner in mind.

The problem was that they too, finally succombed to the one-picture-on-a-page mentality, and lost the philosphy of scrapping every day moments. They do tend to use less embellishments than other magazines, but still the focus has become the "art" rather than preserving mountains of memories.


Mothering Magazine
which is the bi-monthly bible of attachment parenting. They are the folks who gave me the courage to not vaccinate my kids. From their website:

Mothering celebrates the experience of parenthood as worthy of one's best efforts and fosters awareness of the immense importance and value of parenthood and family life in the development of the full human potential. As a readers' magazine, we recognize parents as the experts and wish to provide truly helpful information upon which parents can base informed choices.

Mothering is like no other publication. We are an original. Born in 1976 out of the need for the natural family community to learn about raising healthy children, Mothering was the birthplace of the natural family lifestyle.

Read in more than 65 countries, Mothering is the only independently owned, family living magazine in the world. We address contemporary health, personal, environmental, medical, and lifestyle issues in an upbeat, intelligent, compassionate, and courageous way.

Each issue contains philosophical inspiration and practical advice about family living. Topics are as diverse as circumcision, vaccinations, organic foods, childhood illnesses, home birth, ear infections, parenting teens, web site information, midwifery, and homeopathy.

Mothering is a family. We have an independent editorial spirit unmatched in the industry and a readership that is unmatched in responsiveness. Readers who read Mothering share many of the same values. Nowhere else will you find such proactive, passionate, and highly educated readers. In the pages of Mothering you will find an environment of credibility, trust, and authority.

Not much more can be said about this one. I picked up two past issues from the library today, and will blog about a story I read regarding kids playing with guns, soon.

Respect

"Teaching kids to respect their elders or everyone on the planet automatically, is what leads to molestation and other abuses. Kids need to trust their own instincts."

This was left in my comments the other day, and I think it's important enough to blog about by itself, since it's something I've given much thought to. The writer was indicating her discomfort with my statement that "I certainly expect [my children] to respect not only their elders, but all other people, simply by virtue of the fact that we all share the same planet."

It's funny, because I really did pause over that sentence before deciding to leave it as is; I wanted to make sure that I really do mean it. And I do stand by it now. The difference is one of semantics; my reader's definition of the word is different than the one I usually assign it. I looked up the word on dictionary.com and think she may have understood my meaning to be "To feel or show deferential regard for" whereas when it comes to this usage, I intended it to mean "courteous regard for people's feelings". So when I expect my children to have respect for everyone, that doesn't mean I expect them to always show deference.

I agree that expecting children to ignore their own instincts by demanding they show deference to everyone would be a monumental mistake. My reader is absolutely correct in her statement that this "is what leads to molestation and other abuses." Having grown up in New York City, I am very proud of my instincts about people, and in my hopes of making sure my own children's instincts are not corrupted, I devoured the book Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker:



Mr. De Becker has appeared on numerous TV shows, and does an amazing job of helping parents trust their children's instincts.

So when the word respect is defined as "courteous regard for people's feelings", yes, I expect my children to show respect for all people, same as I do. Even to "the lady that grills my child about what he/she knows". A blunt response might be where I end up, but hopefully never where I start.

Radical Unschooling vs. Self-Directed Learning

Learning is not the product of teaching. Learning is the product of the activity of learners.
...............John Holt

From the beginning I have referred to my family as unschoolers, since we don't sit around the kitchen table and "do school". We do have workbooks in the house, but only use them when one of my kids asks to. Okay, I do occasionally suggest we do some pages, but if they don't want to, we don't. Our days are filled with reading, playing, watching TV or DVDs rented from Netflix, playing board games and computer games, doing puzzles and crafts, playing, talking, doing household tasks (yes my ten year-old does his own laundry), playing, and mostly being out in the world. We love museums, libraries, letterboxing, shopping, and playing with friends. We don't even mind having to do errands since we are together.

I remember first hearing about unschooling when my older son was about five, and being appalled to hear that the child of someone I knew, was ten years old and could not yet read. So I appreciate that a lot of people do not understand the concept of unschooling, or are uncomfortable by it. It really takes a giant leap of faith to live this lifestyle.

I've always been proud to call us unschoolers though, since it does require an awful lot of trust in my children to be one. But these days I'm finding myself hesitant to use the term, since I've been on a few unschooling email lists and have been increasingly uncomfortable by how some other unschoolers define us. And the fact that the term "radical unschoolers" even exists indicates that there are others out there who feel the same way I do.

So what do radical unschoolers do that makes me hesitate to call myself one?

Kids who are radical unschoolers watch whatever they want, and as much as they want on TV, all the time. They spend as much time as they want on the computer. They eat whatever they want all the time. They are not required to contribute to the running of the household unless they want to. They don't even have to pick up their toys off the livingroom floor unless they feel like it. They can go to bed whenever they want. And from what I read, they also have the right to refuse when their grandmother, who needs a walker to get around, asks them to get her something from another room.

I'm sure there is a lot more, but the emails dictating that those who don't do these things can't call themselves unschoolers had me leaving the lists before I could learn what they might be.

Now I am an attachment parent, so trusting my children, from the time of breastfeeding, is something I've gotten pretty good at. However I am also clinically obese, along with dozens of family members. So when my younger son tells me that the reason he is so upset that his brother was invited to a birthday party that he was not, is that he is going to miss the cake, I hesitate to trust him to eat what his body needs.

I expect my children to eat the nutritious foods I provide for them. I expect them to stop watching TV and playing computer games when they start to ignore other things that they have previously enjoyed doing. I expect them to do their share of the household chores, since I'm not a slave. I expect them to go to bed at an hour which will assure they get enough rest. And I certainly expect them to respect not only their elders, but all other people, simply by virtue of the fact that we all share the same planet.

And for all this, I "have no right" to call myself an unschooler. Well, if that's what being an unschooler means, then I don't want to! So these days I call us "self-directed learners", hoping that it conveys what we are about without the negative connotation that radical unschoolers have given the word "unschoolers", to pretty much everyone who is not one. I have to admit that I also avoid associating with radicals since these kids, in my experience, do not have the respect for others that I expect from my children. And one of the good things about homeschooling is that I can (somewhat) control the time frame in which my kids are exposed to different things.

Like I said before "I appreciate that a lot of people do not understand the concept of unschooling, or are uncomfortable by it. It really takes a giant leap of faith to live this lifestyle." But when it comes to radical unschooling, that's one leap I'm not willing to take.

For more information on unschooling, check out John Holt's book: