10 Things That Were Better “Way Back When”

[Originally posted in February 2008. Bumped by request in comments.]





Thought I'd give this meme a try. It's been interesting to think about. It's amazing how I am so ensconced in my role as mother, that even a simple list that might start out elsewhere leads to my children and why I homeschool...


1. Way back when, people used to know how to live within their means.

So many people I know are struggling to make ends meet. Someone I know lives in a house rent free with no mortgage, and Mom still has to work. I just don't get it; why don't people know how to budget themselves anymore? And why to people walk around with this sense of entitlement?

I think the baby boomers are screwing it all up for the rest of us. They are gliding into retirement without a care in the world, while the rest of us are trying to keep up. Everyone is all about the "stuff". My generation, "Generation X", is going to be in serious trouble down the line. Not many people are putting enough money away for retirement, and after the boomers are done, social security will probably be non-existent. So "Generation Y" will not only have lots of stuff, and no idea how to pay for it, they'll also have aging family members to support.


2. Way back when, people didn't waste food the way they do now.

That probably somehow relates back to #1, when we lived within our means.


3. Way back when, we didn't have to worry about genetically modified foods or eating cloned animals.

Or at least back then, we would have been appropriately grossed out by the idea.


4. Way back when, there were very few fat people around.

I remember when I was little when we saw a fat person it was a really big deal. We'd notice how it was so unusual. Then microwaves became readily available, and so did lots of processed food. We were also told to avoid fat, and in doing so, ended up overdosing on carbohydrates. So here we are with an epidemic of diabetes on our hands, and people who don't cook anymore. We just heat things up.


5. Way back when, kids had free time after school.

My kids don't even know what it means to go "call for" a friend. There's no need to, when nobody would answer anyway.


6. Way back when, there was no such thing as ADD or ADHD.

Kids were just kids, and boys were given time to play out in the playground when they needed it. Their energy was respected as something that was needed for the future. But back then, teachers were being accused of only calling on the boys, and favoring them, and blah, blah, blah. Now we have a classic case of backlash, and boys all over the country are on drugs for not being able to sit still for abnormal amounts of time. Which leads me to...


7. Way back when, girls didn't behave as if they were the superior sex.

I mean, what's up with shirts that say "Princess" and all the other stupid and mean sayings these days? Of course I would never want to go backwards, but how about a little humility ladies? We are not the supreme intelligent life on the planet any more than the men are. Girls are getting so snooty and downright conceited, just by virtue of being a girl.

Recently I read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and it really enlightened me as to how obnoxious we've become. I'm not usually a fan of the super conservative Dr. Laura, but what she says in this book really makes sense:

...what is the cause of this self-centeredness? I believe it's a result of the women's movement, with its condemnation of just about everything male as evil, stupid, and oppressive...The result is women get married thinking largely about what their marriage and man can do for them, and not what they an do for their men...

This book is filled with tidbits about how women think of ourselves as superior, and ridicule and micro-manage our husbands. And it all starts with the teenagers and the "Princess" shirts.

Princesses, get over yourselves.


8. Way back when, people protected their kids from violence on TV.

And now we can add gaming systems to the mix. Man, even the commercials for these things are over the top. And many people are totally ignoring the age recommendations on them. Are people clueless? Do they not care? Or perhaps they simply don't want to argue with their kids. Which leads me to...


9. Way back when, parents taught their children self-discipline.

Kids get away with so much today. Many of them are rude and demanding. What happened to parents expecting their children to behave nicely? Why do they let their kids boss them around? I've seen preschoolers at playgroups over the years kick their mothers, who then respond with "Oh, don't do that, it's not nice", and send them off to play. When that was my kid, we left playgroup and went home.


10. Way back when, people were nice.

This statement was pulled from a comment someone left on a post I made a while back: "Not everyone deserves respect. The lady that grills my child about what he/she knows might deserve a blunt response that wouldn't be considered respectful by mainstream America."

My response was this: "...when the word respect is defined as 'courteous regard for people's feelings', yes, I expect my children to show respect for all people, same as I do. Even to 'the lady that grills my child about what he/she knows'. A blunt response might be where I end up, but hopefully never where I start."

I have to admit I don't have much respect for "mainstream America" anyway.

Prescription Drugs For Long Eyelashes

Is anyone else disturbed by this new drug called Latisse? I've seen the commercial for it, it makes your eyelashes longer. A prescription. To make your eyelashes longer.

The drug was originally used for glaucoma and one of the side effects for those patients was longer eyelashes, so naturally they had to start selling it just for that. There are other side effects for this drug too...

“...frequent complaints of glaucoma patients included temporarily red eyes, itching and darker eyelid skin. But in a few glaucoma patients who used eyedrops containing a prostaglandin, he said, green or hazel irises permanently turned darker after 6 to 12 months of treatment.”

In reading the article I did when looking for the side-effects, I also came across this, which really struck me...

“Latisse might have more value to Allergan as a gateway drug that brings new patients to cosmetic medicine and leads them to try Botox.”

Unreal.

What is probably even more galling to me than the existence of this stuff, is that Brooke Shields is the one who's doing the commercials.

I always had real respect for her. But I can't believe she needs the money this bad. Accepting this job has changed what I think of her, and likely many women out there. Bad move, Brooke.

The Confederate Flag Debate

When we went down south to The Great Smoky Mountains for our vacation a few weeks ago, I was surprised to see so many confederate flags. My husband took this one; the front of a truck. They seem to be on trucks everywhere down there; I saw a plain old pick-up truck with two giant confederate flags waving off the back of each side of the bed.

This was so disturbing to me. I had heard about the confederate flag being used in the south, or perhaps read about it at some point, but honestly never gave it much thought. Until it was right in my face.

For a moment I thought perhaps that I was so disturbed because we had recently visited the National Civil War Museum, and Belle Grove Plantation (a real plantation preserved from that era) on our way down south. But I really think I would have found it disturbing even if we hadn't visited those places.

I understand the south taking pride in where they live, just as I take pride in being a native New Yorker. But I can't understand their needing to do it to the point of insulting others. The implication certainly is that if they don't have a problem waving that flag around, they obviously don't give a crap about the black citizens they share the south with. Worse, it would seem that they believe that black folks should be slaves again. The fact is that there is no separating that flag from its history.

My son and I have recently studied the Civil War. One thing we discussed quite a bit was something I didn't get when I learned about it in school, and that is that the war didn't start out being about slavery. The south fought for their right to secede from the nation. The north fought to prevent the south from doing that. Once the north won, the war was redefined by the north as a fight for the end of slavery, since that was a result. But technically speaking, the flag was not a symbol of slavery to the south, but rather a symbol of southern pride.

That still does not change what it represents today. These days not even the word "nigger" can be used, when discussing the word itself. So in a country where conversations about "the n word" can't even contain the actual word, how can we possibly accept a confederate flag?

Seeing the flag waved around gave me a creepy feeling. Kind of like the drivers of these vehicles were implying "I got a gun inna back here, so don' be srewin' roun' wit me".

I understand freedom of speech. I can remember walking through Times Square many years ago with my best friend, who happened to be a gay man. Well, we passed a guy standing on a milk crate spewing anti-gay crap. He was holding his bible and screaming about how all fags were going to hell. I could not understand how my friend Stephen could remain calm in the face of so much blatant hatred. And he said that he was able to overlook it because he was glad to live in a place where people were allowed to spew that kind of nonsense; that it is better than living in a place where freedom of speech is not allowed, since likely that would include him not being able to live "out".

Yes, I understand the importance of free speech. I just wish I could be as gracious about it as my friend Stephen was. On the one hand I really want that flag outlawed. But what would be next to go...my right to have a bumper sticker which says "Human Milk for Human Babies" on it?

I have lots of bumper stickers on my car. But I've always been careful to keep them positive. The flag just seems so darn MEAN. I have a hard time with mean.

No matter the point of view of the person waving it; the confederate flag comes off as mean.

Products being advertised in children's books

I'm on the mailing list of Commercial Alert, whose mission is "to keep the commercial culture within its proper sphere, and to prevent it from exploiting children and subverting the higher values of family, community, environmental integrity and democracy." I get very little mail from them, actually, but did get something interesting today:

HarperCollins Children's Books recently announced plans to publish a new series of books targeted at 8- to 12-year-olds featuring a character called "Mackenzie Blue."

Although touted by the publisher for teaching kids about protecting the environment and promoting global understanding, the Mackenzie Blue series actually aims to be a vehicle for delivering commercial messages, through product-placement hidden advertisements, product tie-ins, and affiliated multi-media corporate sponsorships. The author of the series, Tina Wells, is chief executive of Buzz Marketing Group, which specializes in marketing to children and adolescents.

Book publishers should not be exploiting children for commercial gain. Books should educate and entertain children - not encourage them to buy a particular brand of shoe or soft drink.

Please click here to tell HarperCollins not to publish "Mackenzie Blue" unless all product placements and tie-ins with external advertisers are removed.

Well, when I read the press release which the email links to, I did not see any mention of product placing directly within the books. It just seemed to me that the marketing to go along with the books would be ala Hannah Montana; merchandising pushed to the max. And while I don't condone that, as homeschoolers it is easy enough to protect my kids from it.

So, before I shot a letter off to HarperCollins, I did a google search on "Mackenzie Blue". Surprisingly, the top response was for a rock band. I checked out their website and wrote them an email letting them know that their name is being used and they might want to look into it.

I then waded through the myriad of listings which simply spewed out the press release, and after following through on many links, did eventually find a page which talks about product placement within the stories themselves. From The New York Times (registration required to follow the link and read the article in its entirety):

In “Mackenzie Blue,”... a new series aimed at 8- to 12-year-old girls from HarperCollins Children’s Books, product placement is very much a part of the plan. Tina Wells, chief executive of Buzz Marketing Group, which advises consumer product companies on how to sell to teenagers and preteenagers, will herself be the author of titles in the series filled with references to brands. She plans to offer the companies that make them the chance to sponsor the books.

... Susan Katz, publisher of HarperCollins Children’s Books, said she was not concerned about a possible backlash against corporate sponsorship in books aimed at such a young audience. “If you look at Web sites, general media or television, corporate sponsorship or some sort of advertising is totally embedded in the world that tweens live in,” Ms. Katz said. “It gives us another opportunity for authenticity.”

So basically the idea is that it's out there anyway, so why shouldn't HarperCollins profit from it too?

The woman who is writing this book is not even a writer, she is chief executive of a marketing group!

I did actually go back to Commercial alert, and send my email off to HarperCollins, after altering the wording of the "form letter" to include the fact that I am a homeschooler and plan to advertise this over-the-top marketing to every homeschooler I could get to listen. So please, email HarperCollins, or sign up with Commercial Alert to use their simple form letter, but please do let these vultures know we are not surrendering our kids so easily. Then be sure to spread the word to all of your homeschool groups so they can write too. As homeschoolers we are the conscientious ones; we are the ones who actively work to protect our children.

I always thought that as a homeschooler it is a little easier for me to protect my kids from mainstream marketing, but the truth is, had I not gotten this email from Commercial Alert, I would never have known that this is a threat. It's getting so exhausting to stay a step ahead of all the predators out there!

Here is a link to an article I found worth reading regarding this emerging problem.

Anti-gay Christians

I am on a homeschooling yahoo group here in Connecticut, which has almost 600 members. It is mostly used for people to post activities that other homeschoolers might be interested in, with a smattering of threads about curriculum and educational philosophy.

Well today, someone listed this:

I’m pleased to forward information below about the 15th annual True Colors conference, coming up next Friday and Saturday, March 14 & 15, 2008 (there’s also a Pre-Conference Professional Institute on Thursday, March 13). True Colors organizes the largest sexual/gender minority (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or GLBT) youth issues conference in the nation, with over 3,000 attendees expected in 2008.

The theme this year is “A Global Perspective”, and there will be over 150 workshops and activities for youth/parents as well as professional audiences (educators, clinicians, etc.). Hosted this year by UCONN/Storrs, the conference is co-sponsored by many of the University’s schools and cultural centers, along with the State of Connecticut, American Academy of Pediatrics, and many other organizations.

*HOMESCHOOLING PARENTS* who are not requesting CEUs are eligible to ATTEND FRIDAY and/or SATURDAY at YOUTH RATES--homeschooling youth are already eligible for youth rates, of course (in addition to being the mother of a homeschooled child, my partner Robin McHaelen is also the Executive Director of True Colors)! :o) Just indicate when you register that you are a homeschooling parent requesting the youth rate.

True Colors’ Mission: “True Colors works to create a world where youth, adults and families of all sexual orientations and gender identities are valued and affirmed. We challenge all forms of oppression through education, training, advocacy, youth leadership development, mentoring and direct services to youth and those responsible for their well-being.”

For information on conference rates, registration, presenters, workshops, activities, etc., go to www.OurTrueColors.org.

And one of the group members responded with this:

Is this some sort of joke? I sincerely hope so. This is one of the bigger reasons I pulled my kids out of school, to keep them away from the sick minded warped main stream population. Gross!!! Why would anyone want to bring their family anywhere near that kind of influence.

Niki in CT

despite the fact that the group guidelines specifically state (among other things):

• If a post doesn’t pertain to you, just hit delete!
  
• We do not wish to engage in heated debates. Stating your opinion on a topic is fine, as long as it is respectful and considerate of the other members...
  

Well, despite the fact that I am not willing to spend the time looking through all the archives of things she's written to confirm this, I feel comfortable guessing that this Niki is a Christian, because this kind of language is really consistent with too many other Christian homeschoolers I've met. I have not spoken out strongly against Christians because I hate to alienate some of my readers, but enough already!

I've been listening to these podcasts, which actually started out on YouTube by a guy named Pat Condell. As an atheist, he's been giving me a lot of food for thought. Just this morning I listened to this:


Well I have to admit that I'm starting to actually agree with him. I'm tired of pious people (starting with family members). They are infiltrating our entire government and way of living, and they are about the most unkind and prejudiced people I meet. It's time to stop putting up with them, because they do not make any effort to get along with non-Christians!

Just the other night I went to a homeschool meeting and someone there said something along the lines of having problems with the principal of her local school being gay. Well, not wanting to cause a ruckus, I did not comment on it, but you know, I'm starting to really feel like I need to start calling moral bigots moral bigots, right to their faces.

This is all so tiresome. Even Gandhi wrote: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

I didn't answer Niki's post, despite my desire to, because the list owners did address this hatred (despite being Christian themselves) and asked that the conversation discontinue. And it did mostly, until a gay woman responded eloquently and without malice.

I wrote what I hope was a supportive email to her off-list, but was very happy to see someone defy the wishes of the moderators and post a supportive response. An excerpt:

It is actually people like her [Niki] in my opinion that cause outsiders to say we should not homeschool our kids unless we are educated.

I have told myself to ignore everything from this poster because she writes like a little girl responding with a knee jerk response- not caring about what comes out of her mouth.

I have never met her, never want to, but this is not the first post that I have found offensive.

Had to write you. Try to breathe deep and know that many of us were offended by her comments...and we are accepting of all forms/types of families...well, that is not true, personally I have a very difficult time accepting families that promote inacceptance.

I didn't want to alienate myself, so I wrote to the gay woman off-list. Next time I will have the courage to do it on-list.

Wasting food

While we were on vacation in Florida, we went to a restaurant called CiCi's, which is an all-you-can-eat buffet of pizza, salad, and a few desserts. It was very enjoyable, the food was pretty good, and the price was extremely reasonable.

I have to admit that although I usually finish the crust, or bone, (as my sister calls it) of pizza when I eat it at home, there were so many pizzas to choose from that I left my crusts so I'd have room for other things.

I couldn't believe though, the incredible waste that was left at a table nearby us. Two women ate with three preschool-aged children, and left this. I was so appalled that I actually took a photograph of it. (Click on it to see it larger.) This is enough food to easily feed three adults!

I remember the last time the United States hosted the Olympics, I saw a story on TV about how the world's athletes were appalled to see the way the Americans wasted food; they took way more than they could eat and threw tons of it out. The image I posted here makes me appreciate that in a whole new way.

This wasn't the only table left with an unacceptable amount of leftovers, but it was by far the worst. Our society really is so very wasteful.

When I was growing up, I was encourage to eat past the point of wanting to. I was told that there were starving people in Biafra and I should eat all my food. I believe this contributed to my now inability to stop eating when I am full, and of course, my being overweight. So I encourage my children to stop eating when they've had enough. When we go to a buffet, we always take less, knowing that if we want more we can get up and get some. I get frustrated with my kids on those very rare occasions when they take more than they can eat.

This really made me so sad. And I'm guessing the laws are like those here in CT; the restaurant is not allowed to put all that perfectly good food aside and give it to the homeless, they have to throw it out.

If I knew the names of the women who left this mess, or thought to get their car's license plate number, I'd post it here. This was disgraceful.