My experience in a Christian support group

Yeah, it still surprises even me that I can write that as a blog title.

I was tired of driving so far for my kids to play with other kids. It really annoyed me that "friends" in our homeschool group would not venture out more than 15 minutes away; that we are always the ones who had to travel the 30 minutes to them. It was frustrating that the group founder would not change the day of playgroup to accommodate us despite the fact that we were one of the four families that always showed up and that we had been part of the group from the start, and instead accepted our absence (to participate in a preexisting co-op) with seeming indifference.

The co-op was too good to not try so we were basically friendless again. Then I read about a support group that met on Fridays (a day we could go) just 15 minutes away! I immediately emailed the woman who posted the info to the statewide yahoo group, and we corresponded a few times until finally I wrote:

"I was raised Catholic, but no longer practice. So we'd prefer a group which does not gather based on a shared faith", and was replied to with this: "I'm sorry C, the St. Anthony group is probably not the group for you. You are welcome to join us at New Life Church as we are not affiliated with any particular religion."

At this point I realize I was wrong in assuming that she meant the group was secular, but perhaps she could have done a better good job conveying that although they were not affiliated with any particular religion, they were in fact, all Christian, and did actually "gather based on a shared faith". But back then I had no idea what I was getting into.

The first day we arrived at the church my kids were thrilled to find at least 50 other kids. They were having a sports day with games, and both boys, although shy that first day, did have a good time and wanted to go back. But I should've known something was up when a woman who was directing the children just about hyperventilated when I wouldn't tell her my last name because I prefer everyone call me by my first. And I guess the prayer at the end of the meeting was a good indication of what was to come, as well.

The boys and I talked it over and decided we could be respectful of their prayers without having to believe in what we were doing, and participated in a hay ride with our new friends the next week. It was then that the boys started clicking with a couple of others. So I paid my $20 membership fee and hoped for the best.

Then along came First Lego League. My 11-year-old got an invitation to participate in it with some people we had met through some nature classes and we jumped on it; FLL is something I had really wanted to get him involved with, but didn't know how. Unfortunately though, it meant missing several Fridays of our new playgroup until after the tournament. I wrote to the president of the group and let her know, but didn't hear back from her.

I received an email explaining all the activities that were planned for over the next few months. There were a couple of things I didn't want my kids to participate in though. One was current events, since I was concerned about the context in which it would be presented, and the other was Keepers of the Faith. This is an excerpt of how it was explained in a separate email:

The purpose of the program is to:

• Build character in their children
• Teach practical skills
• Rear children who walk with Christ
• Establish lasting family ties
• Strengthen their home school curriculum
• Create true quality time with their children
• Make the Scriptures a real part of their children’s lives
• Teach children how to serve others

We, as a homeschool group, are utilizing this program, and the structure it provides, to teach our children many different things. In a way, it is similar to the Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, in that as the child is taught and shows competency in different skills or areas of knowledge, and various requirements are met, they are able to earn a badge as an award for their work. The "badges" are actually metal pins (no sewing, Mom) that can be clasped to a sash, banner, or hat - very nice looking and of an excellent quality. Last year the kids made personalized banners to mount their growing collections.

But what really got me is this part:

Each boy will need "the Contenders for the Faith handbook for boys, ages 7 through 14, to equip them to become godly men and competent providers for their future families. The handbook is unquestionably an excellent skill-builder. The boys will learn how to handle finances, do home maintenance, and develop skills in leadership. Plus, extensive Bible reading, memory work, and Bible study are included to aid them in developing good habits in their own walk with God. Whether your son is a member of a club or uses it as part of his home education, it is an absolute Christian character-builder!"

Each girl will need "the Keepers at Home handbook for young ladies which is perfect for girls 7 through 16. The handbook is crammed full of information to teach and prepare girls to become godly, competent keepers of the home, Christian wives, and mothers. It not only includes extensive skills for practical living and creative handiwork, but provides for spiritual growth as well with a variety of Bible reading and memory work, and even a study on Proverbs 31. Whether your daughter is a member of a club or uses it as part of her home education, it is an absolute character-builder! No future homemaker should be without it!"

This is when I realized that this group was not a good fit for us, and we wouldn't be returning after First Lego League was done. Then I got this email:

Due to the phenomenal growth in [our group] this year, a decision has been made to close membership. Anyone inquiring about membership from now on will be placed on a waiting list. Further, everyone currently involved with FAITH needs to realize that membership requires a commitment to attend most activities and meetings. It is understood that everyone will miss some events but this is not a group where attendance is on an "as convenient" schedule. If you can not attend regularly, you may be placed on the waiting list until such time as your schedule permits regular attendance. This will allow those who are prepared to commit to the group to be active and allow those with schedule conflicts to complete their other activities.

This was good news because it meant I could get my 20 bucks back!

I have to say that there is definitely a part of me that is saddened by the fact that Christian homeschoolers segregate themselves, but I suppose it becomes necessary, as their religion is such a huge part of who they are that it oozes into every aspect of their being. (Kind of like a fag I was friends with back in NY; he oozed his sexuality to the point that I didn't even want to be with him anymore.)

These folks are such truly nice people, and there are some of us out here on the outside of the bubble who try to put that out there, but can't find enough people to reflect it back. It's so unfortunate that many Christians are incapable of bringing their goodness to others without bringing their god into it. Some of us appreciate the intrinsic value of being good, and don't feel religion should be part of that; be good just to be good.

I will miss this group immensely, but learned a lot from this experience. The most important thing is for us to stay true to who we are.

And keep looking for the goodness in secular groups.

Review of the Titanic Exhibit

Yesterday my 11-year-old son and I went to see the Titanic exhibit at the Hartford Civic Center. I couldn't find much online about the exhibit. The page on the Civic Center website is pretty "unappetizing" and I was concerned that it'd be a rip-off. But once we went, we found it was well worth it.

When we got there, we were handed two "boarding passes" and were told that we should look at the wall at the end of the exhibit to see whether we survive or not. We went ahead and purchased two audio tours and headed in. (The audio tours were of the wand-type, and could easily be shared between two or three people. They were $7 each.)

The first "room" was set up to suggest the docking area. Here we saw artifacts having to do with the outside of the boat, including the only piece of rope they have been able to retrieve. They also had big murals depicting people planning and building it.

So we stepped up on board and entered a hall which was set up like the hall would have been in first class, with doors and beautiful carpeting leading the way down to the next area. They had great sound effects too, with what sounded like a crowd cheering the ship off. The hall led to an open area with dozens of artifacts depicting what traveling in first class would've been like. It was fun to read about Margaret Brown who we knew about from the movie The Unsinkable Molly Brown. And as students of "Titanicology", we really, really loved seeing all the genuine artifacts that they pulled out of the water.

Next was another hall which depicted third class. We saw a tiny room with two bunk beds in it, and got to hear what it would've sounded like down in the bowels of the ship, so near the motor. After that was one of the boiler rooms. They had a huge chunk of coal which they had retrieved from the site, and rows of furnaces where the coal was inserted (this was actually ingeniously presented with a short row elongated with mirrors). This is the room where the exhibit began to present information about the crash. On the end of it was a "wall of ice" which people were invited to touch, and thereby understand that most people died from hypothermia rather than drowning. (I had to swipe this photo off Google Images, since I actually adhered to the no picture-taking rule.)

The room we arrived in next started the focus on the retrieval efforts; a bunch of items in cases were in the middle of the room, and along the walls were those same items in photographs as they were found at the site of the wreckage. Finally we learned about the people on the ship. Along the walls were written the stories of various passengers, and below each story were artifacts connected to that person. It was really fascinating. They actually had vials of perfume from someone going to the U.S. to sell them, and holes in the exhibit so we could smell them!

Also in the last room were a couple of large panels telling stories of people specifically connected to Connecticut, and of course, the large wall where we could take out our "boarding passes" to find out if we survived.

It took us about two and a half hours to walk through, and we were really sad when it was over. Since they did not allow photographs, I was really disappointed not to find postcards in the gift shop. (Why doesn't anyone sell postcards anymore?) All they had was a book about the exhibit for 15 bucks. I just wanted a few photos so I passed and bought myself a pencil. My son was thrilled when I treated him to a piece of coal from the ship, which even comes with a certificate of authenticity. It was 20 dollars for a piece the size of a marble, but totally worth my boy's excitement at owning something which was actually on the Titanic.

I have to say that this exhibit was phenomenal. It was so well conceived and executed, and truly involved all the senses, which helped make it so memorable. It brought the story alive in a way that all the DVD's and books have only done in a way that we now realize was superficial.

If you are fans of the Titanic, I'd highly recommend it.

The New 7 Wonders of the World

Loss of electricity prevented me from posting last night. I threw out a bunch of uncooked chicken from the fridge, but otherwise we are okay.

Vote for what you think the new 7 Wonders of the World should be. You're running out of time...

The commonly known Seven Ancient Wonders of the World were all man-made monuments, selected by Philon of Byzantium in 200 B.C. His selection of wonders was essentially a travel guide for fellow Athenians, and the stunning sites were all located around the Mediterranean basin, the then-known world.

The monuments he chose, to be remembered in perpetuity, were:

The Lighthouse of Alexandria
The Temple of Artemis
The Statue of Zeus
The Colossus of Rhodes
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
The Mausoleum of Halicarnassus
The Pyramids of Egypt

All were built between 2,500 B.C. and 200 B.C. Today, only the spectacular Pyramids at Giza in Egypt remain. Now, just as Pierre de Coubertin revived the Olympic Games in 1896 with his modern version of the competition, New7Wonders founder Bernard Weber is seeking to revive the concept of the 7 Wonders with this ambitious global campaign: the New 7 Wonders of the World. The key difference is that, this time around, they will not be chosen by one man, but rather by millions of people all over the world.

The new wonders that are selected will be the people’s choices and they will be drawn from the earliest time that humans walked upon the earth up through the year 2000.

It is, therefore, possible that the only survivor of the original 7 Wonders of the World, the Pyramids at Giza, could be chosen for a second time, taking them well into a third millennium of global fame!

The New 7 Wonders campaign was launched in 2000 by Swiss film producer, author and aviator Bernard Weber to select the seven new Wonders of the World via the first global voting campaign. Half the profits from the campaign will be donated to global good causes in monument and building restoration and preservation.

Visit www.new7wonders.com for more information.

A Homeschooling Calendar

I started this tradition with my younger son about five years ago when he was five years old. At the time I was a newly confirmed homeschooler, and still considering unschooling, so I was constantly looking for fun and non-coercive ways for him to practice writing. Plus every morning he would wake up and ask me "what are we doing today?" So I combined the two and came up with a calendar for him to make for himself. He loved it so much that he continued for two years before he decided he didn't need it anymore. But about two years ago I started again with my younger son, who had then turned five years old and began asking "what are we doing today?"

We start with a large blotter calendar, you know the kind that typically go on the top of people's desks? I get our at Staples, because they are the only ones I have been able to find without the information already in there, and no lines running across the whole thing for notes (which we find very distracting, since we don't use words to fill in our activities).

I use a pencil to write in the name of the month, and the numbers, and then my son traces over that information with a marker. Then we head downstairs to the computer and find clip art to represent each thing we are doing that month. So we have garbage cans for Tuesdays to remind us to take the trash out, birthday cakes for parties, soccer balls (with shooting flames, no less) for soccer practice and games, a small stack of books for library day, and so on. I am blessed to have a color printer to print these things out on.

My son and I practice using scissors by cutting out the clip art, and then together we glue them onto the calendar where each thing belongs. Every day now, he can check the calendar for what we are doing, and he no longer needs to paste Daddy on every Saturday and Sunday, because he knows the days he stays home without needing a reminder.

This has been a terrific way for both of my boys to learn the days of the week (still working on months though), and given them good practice in writing and cutting. It also gives them a sense of security in knowing how their day looks without having to ask.

This has remained a non-coercive activity since we began. In fact, we finally just finished the month of May today, which is what prompted me to blog about it. For the last 13 days the pieces have been laying on the kitchen floor underneath where the calendar hangs. It just occurred to my younger son though, that he wants to start counting down the days to his birthday party (11).