The Weekly Muse from Love 2B Homeschoolers

The Shadow Effect DVD Review

2009-10-04T22:34:00.007-04:00

So I agreed to write a review in exchange for getting a free copy of this DVD. Unfortunately it arrived at a time when a lot was happening in my life (like my husband having to go through chemotherapy and me landing in the hospital for a couple of nights with alarmingly high blood pressure) so I was a little busy wallowing in self-pity to actually get to it for a while.

Once I did, I tried to watch it with a critical eye, knowing that I would be writing this review, but after a while I decided to just fall into it and watch it as a plain old viewer. I figured I go back and watch it again to be able to critique it more closely, but the problem has been that I simply don't want to. I can't get myself to watch the darn thing again.

I had hoped that The Shadow Effect would be as convincing as The Secret, which I have devoured several times. And during the first 30 minutes, I thought that perhaps it would be. The premise is a good one: we all have “undesirable” sides (our “shadows”) that prevent us from living to our full potential, and we become better people if we learn to embrace those sides of ourselves, forgive ourselves for having them, and try to incorporate them into our lives as a piece of who we are, instead of keeping them buried and hidden away. I especially liked the visual metaphor of trying to hold a bunch of beach balls under water, but eventually running out of energy and having them fly up out of the water in a mad rush.

I have been on a journey to become a more mindful being, and have already uncovered some of my darker sides through other venues. So this information was not new to me, and I felt comfortable acknowledging its reality. Also, the idea that what bothers us most in others being what we hate most in ourselves, was not news. But I can see how this information, this learning about how we all have these “shadows”, could be enlightening for some viewers who may not have explored that side of themselves previously, although I have to believe that most of those who would watch this video to begin with, would likely already be working on learning from their past and incorporating forgiveness into their lives.

But after that enlightenment, it wall went downhill. Yeah, the part about the surviving concentration camp prisoner forgiving the woman who was a Nazi at the time, was very inspirational, but forgiving our enemies is not really the same thing as embracing our dark side. And let's face it, it probably would have been impossible for that Nazi woman to forgive herself if she didn't have a surviving prisoner around to tell her to.

The biggest issue I had with this DVD though is that it points out what's wrong with me, tells me to fix it, and ends. Want to learn how to fix yourself? Buy the next DVD!

In the meantime, the DVD does actually continue by talking about how we all need to take responsibility for the negative energy in the world, and starts getting into politics; pointing out what and who the producers think is wrong in this world, and telling us who we should be inspired by to help fix it. What the heck? Don't you think I feel crappy enough about not knowing how to embrace and incorporate my own issues without taking on the world's? It's a self-help video...I am watching it to help MYSELF.

At this point, I have to admit, I started getting petty. Debbie Ford's Botox lips started to really grate on my nerves. What can I say, I have a hard time accepting self-help advice from someone who is vain enough to do that to themselves. It's a pet-peeve of mine that I take full ownership of, but those lips really did start to get in my way. (Debbie, if they're not botoxed, I give you permission to go ahead and spend the money to get them fixed so they don't look like they are.)

The production also started really annoying me. The dramatic music was so obvious, as was the use of lighting to create giant shadows behind people who were still struggling, while Debbie and the others who were apparently enlightened were shadow-free behind them.

I also can't forget to mention that I thought it was kind of bizarre to have a member of the band Earth, Wind & Fire as a speaker along with all the New Age folks; definitely noticeably out of place.

Once the thing ended I felt pretty gypped. I would rather have read a magazine article about it all in Prevention; at least that would've given me a bulleted list of concrete things to try to better myself.

But wait! There are bonus materials! Surely they will have some information on things I can do for just that!

But wait! The bonus materials are previews of the interactive version of this movie! And I can buy that version for only $15! So basically, this “free” DVD is a big infomercial to get me to buy the real one. Pretty frustrating, considering that I am paying for the original one with this review.

I want my time back.

Haiku

2009-08-05T00:08:00.001-04:00

Motherhood is hard
The boredom can overwhelm
But they are worth it

The Friday Five

2009-07-17T23:36:00.003-04:00

1. It's the last night of the world, and you've only just found out. What five things will you do in these final hours?
Wake my family up and tell them I can't sleep and need them to all sleep with me in my bed. Then I'd watch them all doze off, and stay awake just looking at them as they sleep. I'd try to go to sleep too, so I could go peacefully.

2. How do you feel about our American Flag's design?
I'd prefer something a little more elegant and simple, but I appreciate that the stars and stripes actually represent things.

3. What pets have you had?

Family dog when I was younger: Brutus. Really my brothers’.
Had a canary named Roger (named for Roger Waters of Pink Floyd). We sang so exquisitely together when I got home from school every day (grammar school). I'd never have a bird in a cage now.
Hamster named Hammy Davis Jr.
Dog named Thor who was mine but got to be too much of a handful for a selfish girl in college.
Fish.
Hermit Crabs.
Currently have a puppy dog named Luna, who we've had for two weeks.

4. What was the last activity you wore a wristband for?
Being a chaperon for the classes my children were taking at The Beardsley Zoo. Needed the band to get in for free.

5. What song changed your life?

I heard it on WNYU (New York University's station) in 1981 in my bedroom in the basement. Antenna wire was taped all over my walls and onto the ceiling so I could get this station. It's a song that made me fall in love with New Wave and defined me for the next decade.

Haiku

2009-07-16T23:29:00.000-04:00

No school bus for us
Homeschoolers get to sleep late
We are more relaxed

YouTube Tuesday

2009-07-14T20:13:00.004-04:00

Interesting Facts About Mosquitos (2:00)

Prescription Drugs For Long Eyelashes

2009-07-12T22:58:00.001-04:00

Is anyone else disturbed by this new drug called Latisse? I've seen the commercial for it, it makes your eyelashes longer. A prescription. To make your eyelashes longer.

The drug was originally used for glaucoma and one of the side effects for those patients was longer eyelashes, so naturally they had to start selling it just for that. There are other side effects for this drug too...

“...frequent complaints of glaucoma patients included temporarily red eyes, itching and darker eyelid skin. But in a few glaucoma patients who used eyedrops containing a prostaglandin, he said, green or hazel irises permanently turned darker after 6 to 12 months of treatment.”

In reading the article I did when looking for the side-effects, I also came across this, which really struck me...

“Latisse might have more value to Allergan as a gateway drug that brings new patients to cosmetic medicine and leads them to try Botox.”

Unreal.

What is probably even more galling to me than the existence of this stuff, is that Brooke Shields is the one who's doing the commercials.

I always had real respect for her. But I can't believe she needs the money this bad. Accepting this job has changed what I think of her, and likely many women out there. Bad move, Brooke.

Haiku

2009-07-08T23:35:00.002-04:00

Rocks water sand dirt
Homeschooling is magical
I always see sky

YouTube Tuesday

2009-06-23T00:00:00.000-04:00

The power of one person (3:06)

The Friday Five

2009-06-19T00:00:00.000-04:00

1. What do you feel is the most important quality in a close friend?
Accept me as I am, and don't even so much as privately wish I were different. Because it just ends up coming out.

2. What is the one quality in a stranger you'd just met that would make you want to get to know them better?
Someone who is engaging.

3. What do you think is the most important quality in a good leader?
Hearing what others have to say. Not just listening. Hearing.

4. What is the one thing that makes a child likable to you?
All children are likable to me. Except maybe one or two. And that really has to do with parenting, and not the kids.

5. What do you think is the one thing that makes a good parent (other than loving their children)?
Engaging with children and not living as if they are property.

My experience in a Christian support group

2009-06-17T00:01:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it still surprises even me that I can write that as a blog title.

I was tired of driving so far for my kids to play with other kids. It really annoyed me that "friends" in our homeschool group would not venture out more than 15 minutes away; that we are always the ones who had to travel the 30 minutes to them. It was frustrating that the group founder would not change the day of playgroup to accommodate us despite the fact that we were one of the four families that always showed up and that we had been part of the group from the start, and instead accepted our absence (to participate in a preexisting co-op) with seeming indifference.

The co-op was too good to not try so we were basically friendless again. Then I read about a support group that met on Fridays (a day we could go) just 15 minutes away! I immediately emailed the woman who posted the info to the statewide yahoo group, and we corresponded a few times until finally I wrote:

"I was raised Catholic, but no longer practice. So we'd prefer a group which does not gather based on a shared faith", and was replied to with this: "I'm sorry C, the St. Anthony group is probably not the group for you. You are welcome to join us at New Life Church as we are not affiliated with any particular religion."

At this point I realize I was wrong in assuming that she meant the group was secular, but perhaps she could have done a better good job conveying that although they were not affiliated with any particular religion, they were in fact, all Christian, and did actually "gather based on a shared faith". But back then I had no idea what I was getting into.

The first day we arrived at the church my kids were thrilled to find at least 50 other kids. They were having a sports day with games, and both boys, although shy that first day, did have a good time and wanted to go back. But I should've known something was up when a woman who was directing the children just about hyperventilated when I wouldn't tell her my last name because I prefer everyone call me by my first. And I guess the prayer at the end of the meeting was a good indication of what was to come, as well.

The boys and I talked it over and decided we could be respectful of their prayers without having to believe in what we were doing, and participated in a hay ride with our new friends the next week. It was then that the boys started clicking with a couple of others. So I paid my $20 membership fee and hoped for the best.

Then along came First Lego League. My 11-year-old got an invitation to participate in it with some people we had met through some nature classes and we jumped on it; FLL is something I had really wanted to get him involved with, but didn't know how. Unfortunately though, it meant missing several Fridays of our new playgroup until after the tournament. I wrote to the president of the group and let her know, but didn't hear back from her.

I received an email explaining all the activities that were planned for over the next few months. There were a couple of things I didn't want my kids to participate in though. One was current events, since I was concerned about the context in which it would be presented, and the other was Keepers of the Faith. This is an excerpt of how it was explained in a separate email:

The purpose of the program is to:

Build character in their children
Teach practical skills
Rear children who walk with Christ
Establish lasting family ties
Strengthen their home school curriculum
Create true quality time with their children
Make the Scriptures a real part of their children’s lives
Teach children how to serve others

We, as a homeschool group, are utilizing this program, and the structure it provides, to teach our children many different things. In a way, it is similar to the Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, in that as the child is taught and shows competency in different skills or areas of knowledge, and various requirements are met, they are able to earn a badge as an award for their work. The "badges" are actually metal pins (no sewing, Mom) that can be clasped to a sash, banner, or hat - very nice looking and of an excellent quality. Last year the kids made personalized banners to mount their growing collections.

But what really got me is this part:

Each boy will need "the Contenders for the Faith handbook for boys, ages 7 through 14, to equip them to become godly men and competent providers for their future families. The handbook is unquestionably an excellent skill-builder. The boys will learn how to handle finances, do home maintenance, and develop skills in leadership. Plus, extensive Bible reading, memory work, and Bible study are included to aid them in developing good habits in their own walk with God. Whether your son is a member of a club or uses it as part of his home education, it is an absolute Christian character-builder!"

Each girl will need "the Keepers at Home handbook for young ladies which is perfect for girls 7 through 16. The handbook is crammed full of information to teach and prepare girls to become godly, competent keepers of the home, Christian wives, and mothers. It not only includes extensive skills for practical living and creative handiwork, but provides for spiritual growth as well with a variety of Bible reading and memory work, and even a study on Proverbs 31. Whether your daughter is a member of a club or uses it as part of her home education, it is an absolute character-builder! No future homemaker should be without it!"

This is when I realized that this group was not a good fit for us, and we wouldn't be returning after First Lego League was done. Then I got this email:

Due to the phenomenal growth in [our group] this year, a decision has been made to close membership. Anyone inquiring about membership from now on will be placed on a waiting list. Further, everyone currently involved with FAITH needs to realize that membership requires a commitment to attend most activities and meetings. It is understood that everyone will miss some events but this is not a group where attendance is on an "as convenient" schedule. If you can not attend regularly, you may be placed on the waiting list until such time as your schedule permits regular attendance. This will allow those who are prepared to commit to the group to be active and allow those with schedule conflicts to complete their other activities.

This was good news because it meant I could get my 20 bucks back!

I have to say that there is definitely a part of me that is saddened by the fact that Christian homeschoolers segregate themselves, but I suppose it becomes necessary, as their religion is such a huge part of who they are that it oozes into every aspect of their being. (Kind of like a fag I was friends with back in NY; he oozed his sexuality to the point that I didn't even want to be with him anymore.)

These folks are such truly nice people, and there are some of us out here on the outside of the bubble who try to put that out there, but can't find enough people to reflect it back. It's so unfortunate that many Christians are incapable of bringing their goodness to others without bringing their god into it. Some of us appreciate the intrinsic value of being good, and don't feel religion should be part of that; be good just to be good.

I will miss this group immensely, but learned a lot from this experience. The most important thing is for us to stay true to who we are.

And keep looking for the goodness in secular groups.

YouTube Tuesday

2009-06-16T11:49:00.001-04:00

Post-it Stop Motion (1:54)

My anti-war kid

2009-06-11T17:43:00.000-04:00

“Mom, how come if you kill someone here it's called murder, but if you kill someone in another country they call you a hero?”

YouTube Tuesday

2009-06-09T10:06:00.005-04:00

Diagnosis: Homeschooler (1:00)

YouTube Tuesday

2009-05-26T10:36:00.002-04:00

Pizza Boxes of the Future (:44)

YouTube Tuesday

2009-03-31T17:40:00.000-04:00

How my family eats, and why (7:14)

10 Things I Won’t Miss About Winter

2009-03-10T19:26:00.001-04:00

1. Snow
2. Mud
3. Cold
4. Bare trees
5. Buried flowers
6. Dressing in layers
7. Dry skin
8. Dry snots
9. Closed windows and doors
10. “Mostly cloudy” forecasts

Why Homeschool?

2009-01-07T00:46:00.004-05:00

“The school system in this country—public and private—is designed for the industrial age. We’re in a technological age. We don’t want our kids to memorize. We want them to learn.”
...............Jada Pinkett Smith

YouTube Tuesday

2008-12-09T09:15:00.000-05:00

I once got an ice-cream maker. (4:45)

Cheech and Chong

2008-11-07T11:19:00.003-05:00

We are going to see these guys tonight. Woo hoo!

YouTube Tuesday

2008-09-30T23:14:00.000-04:00

We can learn from this, or get frustrated by it. (4:09)

Overheard in New York

2008-06-26T19:07:00.004-04:00

Every week I get some great quotes emailed to me. Here is one I just got which made me laugh out loud:

Mom, yelling at six-year-old son playing with several magazines:
Eric, let's go now!

Eric:
But Mom, I want one!

Mom:
For Christ's sake! Just take one and let's go.

(Eric takes Gay Life)

Mom:
Your father is going to kill you.

YouTube Tuesday

2008-06-24T20:51:00.000-04:00

It's all about the shadows (2:40)

YouTube Tuesday

2008-06-17T22:16:00.000-04:00

Why Homeschool? (2:13)

The Friday Five

2008-06-13T18:32:00.001-04:00

I didn't like the questions for this week, so I went back a few weeks to before I started doing this to find some that are better. These questions are actually thought provoking...

1. If you became ruler of the world, what three things would you do first?
1. Find good staff to work for and advise me.
2. Set about finding a way to make sure no one goes hungry and everyone receives good health care, and everyone lives war-free.
3. Remove religion entirely from all governments.

2. If you were a superhero, what would be your name and what powers would you have?
My name would be Subtlety and I would be able to bend people to my will with my mind.

3. You can ask one question to someone who knows EVERYTHING. What is it?
How do I cure my kids' enuresis?

4. If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?
Spy on my kids to see how they treat each other when I'm not around.

5. If you saw a mythical/religious deity walking down the street, what would you do?
Ask them how their ego could let this mess of dogma get so far.

YouTube Tuesday

2008-06-10T00:00:00.002-04:00

What are you holding next to your brain? (00:45)

Acknowledge the correlation.